You may not see it today or tomorrow, but you will look back in a few years and be absolutely perplexed and awed by how every little thing added up and brought you somewhere wonderful - or where you’ve always wanted to be. You will be grateful that things didn’t work out the way you once wanted.
Nobody wants to hear this, but sometimes the person you want the most is the person you’re best without.
Breathe. You’re going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you’ve survived. Breathe and know that you can survive this too. These feelings can’t break you. They’re painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you’ll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience. I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass. I promise it will pass.
Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
Is this Relationship Working for You?
Not every friendship is helpful and worthwhile … and sometime we need to ask ourselves the following:
1. What am I getting from the relationship? Is this person there for me when I need them most? Do they build me up, and bring out the best in me?
2. Is this friendship draining, or is it mainly negative? Do I feel I’m just being used? Are things always about them?
3. Can I be genuine and real – and just myself - with this person? Or are they likely to react if I share my honest thoughts?
4. Do they care about my feelings, my views and my opinions? Or do they treat me like an object, whose feelings never count?
5. Am I putting up with things because it’s started to feel normal? Am I scared that no-one else would really want to be my friend?
Just for the record darling, not all positive change feels positive in the beginning.
You are not accidental. The world needs you. Without you, something will be missing in existence and nobody can replace it.
Tips for Overcoming Fear and Anxiety
1. Start small, and take the first step. You are on a journey. This is just the beginning. You only have to start.
2. Have faith in yourself. At least you’re brave enough “to try”. If you’re patient and keep trying you will get there in the end.
3. Make a list of all your fears so they’re not formless and vague. It is easier to fight them if you know what you are fighting!
4. Accept that life is often hard, and fear is natural and normal. Every person who succeeds will have to face and deal with fear.
5. Remind yourself of your successes and the ways in which you’ve changed. You have triumphed and succeeded over obstacles before.
6. Remind yourself of those who love you and believe in you. They know that you can do it – so derive some strength from them.
7. Imagine how you’ll look and how you’ll feel when you’ve succeed. It is WORTH making the effort. Don’t give up: you’ll reach your goal!
Life is about balance. Be kind, but don’t let people abuse you. Trust, but don’t be deceived. Be content, but never stop improving yourself.
I know this transformation is painful, but you’re not falling apart; you’re just falling into something different, with a new capacity to be beautiful.
She is a beautiful piece of broken pottery, put back together by her own hands. And a critical world judges her cracks while missing the beauty of how she made herself whole again.
Just because I can’t explain the feelings causing my anxiety, doesn’t make them less valid.
8 Things You Need to Chill Out About
1. The few things that aren’t going right. – When things go wrong, take a moment to be thankful for all the other things that are still going right. And if you’re struggling to be thankful for what you have, be thankful for what you have escaped. Sometimes the best gifts in life are the troubles you don’t have.
2. Trying to label everyone and everything. – Sometimes you’ve just got to take people and situations for what they are, appreciate them, and not try to label them or change them.
3. Worrying about what everyone else thinks. – The minute you stop overwhelming your mind with caring about what everyone else thinks, and start doing what you feel in your heart is right, is the minute you will finally feel freedom.
4. Wasting time on the wrong people. – You cannot make someone respect you; all you can do is be someone who can be respected. No matter how much you care some people just won’t care back. At some point you have to realize the truth – that they no longer care or never did, and that maybe you’re wasting your time and missing out on someone else who does.
5. Old wounds and grudges. – You will never find peace until you learn to finally let go of the hatred and hurt that lives in your heart. In order to move on, you must know why you felt the way you did, and why you no longer need to feel that way. It’s about accepting the past, letting it be, and pushing your spirit forward with good intentions.
6. Superficial judgments. –Every human being is beautiful; it just takes the right set of eyes to see it.
7. Letting small disagreements snowball out of control. – Don’t let a single poisonous moment of misunderstanding make you forget about the countless lovable moments you’ve spent together.
8. Showing a lack of self-respect. – Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself. Choose to be your own best friend.
Maturity begins when we’re content to feel we’re right about something, without feeling the necessity to prove someone else is wrong.
Choosing to Respect Yourself
If you feel you don’t really respect yourself then take a quick look at the list below and try to makes some changes in your daily life.
1. Ask yourself: “What does it mean to respect someone?” We have different ideas about the qualities and traits that are worthy of recognition and respect. For example, it could include being honest and reliable, being the kind of person who will listen and be there, or being understanding and trustworthy. Now ask if you have some of these qualities and traits. If so, you deserve to give yourself respect.
2. Treat yourself with kindness and proper respect. Stop and think about the kinds of things you say about yourself (“I’m ugly; I’m a failure; I hate myself; There’s no point in trying as I’m bound to fail”). You’d never say those kinds of things to someone else you loved – so why are you insulting and putting yourself down? Stop treating yourself badly – and start showing respect.
3. When others disrespect you, stand up for yourself. When people are rude, or expect too much of you, don’t feel you have to take it – or there’s nothing you can do. Believe you deserve better and stand up for yourself.
4. Take care of you mental and physical health. Respect that you have limits and can’t do everything. Sometimes you need a break or some time on your own. Also, if you love who you are then you will treat your body well. Don’t treat it like a garbage can and or exercise!
5. Find out who you are. You’re unique – with your own gifts and personality. Don’t copy other people or be a replica. Don’t bury who you are - to get approval or be loved. Be true to yourself and try to follow your own heart.
She is a paradox. She is committed and yet relaxed. She loves everyone, and yet no one. She is sociable and also a loner. She is gentle and yet tough, she is passionate but also platonic. In short she is predictable in her own unpredictability.
Make yourself a priority. At the end of the day, you’re your longest commitment.
The best revenge is to have enough self-worth not to seek it.
I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.
Attitudes and Mindsets that can Change your Life
1. Knowing deep inside that you are good enough.
2. Believing you can do it, and believing you can make it.
3. Choosing to be grateful when you feel like complaining.
4. Choosing to hang in there when you feel you’ve had enough.
5. Knowing each new day is a true gift and fresh beginning.
6. Valuing others, and treating others well.
7. Investing in people instead of chasing things.
One of the best feelings is finding someone who really gets you. A person who lets you be vulnerable and honest. The kind of person who encourages you to push past your flaws because they accept you as you are. Someone who never tells you that you’re too much of this and too little of that. Because to them you’re just enough of everything they love.
6 Steps in Learning to Love Yourself
1. See the good in your past. There will always be things that we wish had never happened; there will always be bad memories and things that we regret. But they are part of who you are – so accept that they have happened and celebrate the person they’ve allowed you to become.
2. Invest time in the things that bring you happiness. It’s important to identify the things that you enjoy, and that make you come alive, and are all a part of “you”. Spending time on those things will help to raise your self-esteem, as you’re valuing yourself when you pursue happiness.
3. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. We all make mistakes - and when we think of them we cringe. But that doesn’t make you any worse than other people. Just try and learn what you can, and then move on with your life.
4. Stop criticising yourself. So often we’re really our own worst enemy. We look for our flaws, and we put ourselves down – instead of being understanding of our own limitations. It’s time to change that behaviour – so start loving yourself.
5. Listen to your instincts and intuitions. If you want to love yourself, you must listen to yourself. Pay attention to those instincts and your instant gut reaction – and trust that you are right when you hear that inner voice.
6. Appreciate your life. Of course there are things that you wish that you could change. But some things are good, and are worth appreciating. So, focus on, appreciate, and make lots of your strengths.
One of the best lessons you can master in life is to master how to remain calm.
You don’t gain anything from stressing. Remember that.
Anxiety is an urgent, deafening thing. No matter how many logical reasons you have to remain happy or positive, when it is present, you can hear nothing else.
I firmly believe in small gestures: pay for their coffee, hold the door for strangers, over tip, smile or try to be kind even when you don’t feel like it, pay compliments, chase the kid’s runaway ball down the sidewalk and throw it back to him, try to be larger than you are— particularly when it’s difficult. People do notice, people appreciate. I appreciate it when it’s done to (for) me. Small gestures can be an effort, or actually go against our grain (“I’m not a big one for paying compliments…”), but the irony is that almost every time you make them, you feel better about yourself.
Are you Addicted to Approval?
Signs of being addicted to approval include:
1. You are very aware of the expectations of others. They also affect how you feel about yourself.
2. You are constantly worried about how others view you/ what they are thinking about you.
3. You choose NOT to do things that others don’t approve of for fear of judgment and rejection.
4. You DO things you don’t want to do as you fear others making fun or you, putting you down, or talking about it.
5. You feel anxious and upset if you think you have upset or irritated someone – and desperately try to make things right.
6. You think the views and opinions of others are more informed and valuable than yours.
7. You agree when others criticise and put you down. Then you start to attack and feel ashamed of yourself.
8. You reject yourself if other people reject you, and basically believed that at core you are flawed.
Embrace uncertainty. Some of the most beautiful chapters in our lives won’t have a title until much later.
We must accept the end of something in order to build something new.
How to Kill Feelings of Inadequacy
1. Choose to like, love, value, and believe in yourself. Choose to be your greatest ally – and the best friend you could have.
2. Ask a good friend if they’ll tell you what they like about you most. Then believe what they are saying – don’t just push their words aside.
3. Commit to discovering what you’re good at and enjoy, then invest time in developing those attributes and traits.
4. Don’t exalt others’ gifts as if they matter more than yours. Every talent is important. Don’t right off your personal strengths.
5. Learn to show yourself compassion when you struggle or you fail. And remember “you are human” - so you’re going to make mistakes.
6. Notice ways that you are growing … ways you’re changing over time. Give yourself some credit for this – you are different from before.
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