The key to happiness is to stop watching the news.
Enjoying music is genuinely one of the greatest things about being human.
Seeing a person reading your favorite book is seeing a book recommending a person
Diving is not a water sport. It’s an aerial sport, the water is just a good place to land.
Having a phone with no case is like having intercourse with no condom, feels good but always risky
Seeing a person reading your favorite book is seeing a book recommending a person
Diving is not a water sport. It’s an aerial sport, the water is just a good place to land.
Having a phone with no case is like having intercourse with no condom, feels good but always risky
Porn stars don’t have private parts
As an adult you stop being afraid of the dark, not because there ARE NO monsters, but the knowledge that either it kills you or you’ll go down in history as the first person to discover the existence of a supernatural life form. Either way you don’t have to go to work tomorrow.
Funny that now you can have super high quality ringtones of any song in the world but everybody now has their phone on silent
We live in a pre apocalyptic world
You know those games where you save by sleeping, and you can’t save since there are enemies nearby… Now think about the last time you had trouble sleeping for no apparent reason.
2002-2008 felt so much longer than 2012-2018
Dogs who grab the paper in the morning probably think they have a huge responsibility, and watching their owners read it afterwards must make them feel so great
Reading “Don’t touch it” in Braille must be terrifying.
The most believable way to explain Roseanne’s absence on The Connors would be to say that she died of an Ambien overdose.
The first week of Pokémon go was the closest thing we’ll ever have to world peace.
The day scientists figure out exactly how autism arises is going to be a real bad day for anti-vax conspiracy theorists.
A flu shot isn’t just for you, it protects people who can’t get it
We will never know the world’s best spy.
A lighter in the stone age would have been a life saving device, but we mostly use it today to give ourselves cancer.
Watching a 0-0 soccer game is like watching a 2+ hour porno where nobody climaxes
If a woman’s orgasm while sex was required for pregnancy, human population would be way less.
The smell of old books is due to a chemical breakdown of compounds within the paper. When people state that they “love the smell of old books,” they are stating that they love the smell of books slowly dying.
“What a dick!” Could either be an insult or a compliment.
If you tell someone they’re eating “fish,” they won’t question it. If you tell someone they’re eating “mammal” or “bird,” they’re probably going to have some serious follow up questions
English is a difficult language, it can be understood through tough thorough thought though.
Everyone dreams of having an Iron Man suit but lonely people would be happy with just Jarvis
Cracking your knuckles is a real life ability that has a cooldown
Humans have been in earth for less that 0.00005% of Earth’s life, so it’s is more likely that aliens visited earth and saw nothing significant and just left
Given the number of secrets hidden in wells and waterfalls in video games, it’s amazing more kids in our generation didn’t drown.
Smoking will kill you… Bacon will kill you… But,smoking bacon will cure it.
Harry Potter isnt a nerd, he is a jock. He didnt try very hard in school, cheated on homework constantly, was a sports star, and ended up joining the police/military
Cinderella’s glass slipper fit perfectly, so it doesn’t make sense that it would fall off of her foot
Taking drugs and thinking you’re happy is like taking a loan and thinking you’ve got money.
Astrology is basically stereotyping people based on their birthday
You’ll be the last person to die in your life time
We still use helium, a rare and valuable noble gas, to fill our fucking balloons.
Space could be full of vampires and we’d never know because all our optical telescopes use mirrors.
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